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More things to expect:
24. You haven't become a real agent until someone's tried to drug your drink. Female agents tend to be the drink-druggers. The classic move is to momentarily distract the female agent and swap glasses.
25. A proper English gentleman carries a brolly (umbrella for you cultural barbarians out there :P) which always has some nifty built in feature i.e. a foil for when you really need to get rid of an opponent, a built in tape recorder with playback, a built-in gun, etc.
26. You will come across some sort of deadly gas that can be used to exterminate a lot of people once during your career.
27. You need to be able to speak/understand at least two languages other than English, enough so that you can play baccarat (that's all the French you'll ever need!), order drinks, hail a taxi, check into a hotel, and make reservations. The only things Russians tend to say in their own language are assassination orders or military commands involving killing people. So if a Russan agent starts speaking in his/her native language, you better get the heck out of there.
28. If it involves Singapore, then the opposition is up to its dirty tricks. Nothing good ever seems to come out of Singapore.
29. Many Russian agents speak excellent English, often with perfect British accents. They've probably been to a cultural assimilation school in Hamden Colony 3 or belong to the gentleman's training ground called S.N.O.B.
30. None of your male contacts will ever come from Canada.
31. No matter how good you think your cover is, someone will break into your hotel room and rifle through your belongings. It's always a good idea to check for bugs beforehand.
32. The best covers for an agent are in world travel, import-export, finance, and journalism. Science and diplomacy are also OK but require much more specialized knowledge.
33. Scientists will never live to the end of your mission. They are all quite brilliant and come up with discoveries and inventions that have a lot of deadly consequences because nobody pays them enough to produce less harmeful things. If they are employed by the opposition, they're either mercenary and will be killed as soon as they're paid, or they've been tricked into thinking that they can benefit mankind.
34. You will disguise yourself as a hotel waiter or maid at least once during a mission to escape from a room or illicitly enter a member of the opposition's room.
35. There's no such thing as an ugly hotel receptionist.
36. If you're male, you'll wear a military or naval uniform at least twice during your career.
37. Come to think of it, you'll also wear a tuxedo (black much more often than white) fairly often.
38. I hope that you're a good dancer; otherwise you'll be stepping on a lot of important toes.
39. Shoes are tremendously useful tools. You can store a tracking device or microfilm in a false heel, and you can easily conceal a knife in the tip of your shoe or in your sock.
40. At least one of the villains you will come across will be wheelchair bound. These types tend to have some very efficient hired assassins to carry out their dirty work, so watch out.
41. You should be suspicious of anyone who is the guardian of a daschund or a white Persian cat with a diamond collar. If (s)he owns multiple cats or is in charge of a cat rescue and recuperation center, make sure that any cats given to you by this person have their organization collars removed. Oh, and the daschunds only attack pretty young female French helicopter pilots.
42. I hope that you like defusing complicated bombs because you'll come across them fairly frequently.
43. Safes are very easy to break. Your department will usually supply you with some portable safe-cracking tools before you go out on assignment. You can easily swipe security cards and get fingerprint molds once you're close by to the safe.
44. You may be a secret agent but you often have to deal with blackmail cases as well. These usually end up being more interesting than they appear, so don't be disappointed.
45. Assassins-for-hire groups tend to be quite popular. At least once you'll end up busting one of these murder rings by hiring yourself out as a target.
46. If you see a convertible, it is almost always owned by a woman. If it's red, then it's definitely owned by a woman.
47. Killing people really isn't that necessary. Knocking them unconscious is so much more humane; all you have to do is punch them across the jaw or whack them over the head.
48. In a tight spot if you need to get special access, just knock out of the many little henchmen types running around the villain's lair and steal their clothes. This is a time-tested strategy that is guaranteed to work until you finally get into the place that you were trying to access in the first place.
49. You'll be placed in front of a firing squad once during your career. Just at the last moment even your sketchier and less-reliable allies will come in to save the day. Aren't you just lucky.
50. Girlfights tend to be really intense. Don't underestimate them.
51. No agent ever dies; they merely find new ways to go into hiding.
52. If someone asks you to carry a book for him, there's guaranteed to be a microdot hidden somewhere inside.
53. All agents must be trained in the medical sciences to give CPR, inject the right drugs, remove bullets from bodies, and stop bleeding from bullet wounds.
54. All agents will be tied up to something at least once during a mission. The opposition can be a little kinky sometimes.
55. Abandoned houses are to be viewed with the utmost suspicion.
56. In a pinch, air ducts and haystacks make good hiding places. However, if there's a massacre going on, kitchen cabinets are optimal.
57. You will be pursuited at least twice by the opposition on motorbikes shooting at your car or at you directly.
58. Anyone who doesn't work in your department who invites you over to dinner at his/her place is out to kill you. Drinks, alcoholic or tea and/or coffee, are often much safer. If a woman offers to bake you some sort of dessert, you can definitely trust her.
24. You haven't become a real agent until someone's tried to drug your drink. Female agents tend to be the drink-druggers. The classic move is to momentarily distract the female agent and swap glasses.
25. A proper English gentleman carries a brolly (umbrella for you cultural barbarians out there :P) which always has some nifty built in feature i.e. a foil for when you really need to get rid of an opponent, a built in tape recorder with playback, a built-in gun, etc.
26. You will come across some sort of deadly gas that can be used to exterminate a lot of people once during your career.
27. You need to be able to speak/understand at least two languages other than English, enough so that you can play baccarat (that's all the French you'll ever need!), order drinks, hail a taxi, check into a hotel, and make reservations. The only things Russians tend to say in their own language are assassination orders or military commands involving killing people. So if a Russan agent starts speaking in his/her native language, you better get the heck out of there.
28. If it involves Singapore, then the opposition is up to its dirty tricks. Nothing good ever seems to come out of Singapore.
29. Many Russian agents speak excellent English, often with perfect British accents. They've probably been to a cultural assimilation school in Hamden Colony 3 or belong to the gentleman's training ground called S.N.O.B.
30. None of your male contacts will ever come from Canada.
31. No matter how good you think your cover is, someone will break into your hotel room and rifle through your belongings. It's always a good idea to check for bugs beforehand.
32. The best covers for an agent are in world travel, import-export, finance, and journalism. Science and diplomacy are also OK but require much more specialized knowledge.
33. Scientists will never live to the end of your mission. They are all quite brilliant and come up with discoveries and inventions that have a lot of deadly consequences because nobody pays them enough to produce less harmeful things. If they are employed by the opposition, they're either mercenary and will be killed as soon as they're paid, or they've been tricked into thinking that they can benefit mankind.
34. You will disguise yourself as a hotel waiter or maid at least once during a mission to escape from a room or illicitly enter a member of the opposition's room.
35. There's no such thing as an ugly hotel receptionist.
36. If you're male, you'll wear a military or naval uniform at least twice during your career.
37. Come to think of it, you'll also wear a tuxedo (black much more often than white) fairly often.
38. I hope that you're a good dancer; otherwise you'll be stepping on a lot of important toes.
39. Shoes are tremendously useful tools. You can store a tracking device or microfilm in a false heel, and you can easily conceal a knife in the tip of your shoe or in your sock.
40. At least one of the villains you will come across will be wheelchair bound. These types tend to have some very efficient hired assassins to carry out their dirty work, so watch out.
41. You should be suspicious of anyone who is the guardian of a daschund or a white Persian cat with a diamond collar. If (s)he owns multiple cats or is in charge of a cat rescue and recuperation center, make sure that any cats given to you by this person have their organization collars removed. Oh, and the daschunds only attack pretty young female French helicopter pilots.
42. I hope that you like defusing complicated bombs because you'll come across them fairly frequently.
43. Safes are very easy to break. Your department will usually supply you with some portable safe-cracking tools before you go out on assignment. You can easily swipe security cards and get fingerprint molds once you're close by to the safe.
44. You may be a secret agent but you often have to deal with blackmail cases as well. These usually end up being more interesting than they appear, so don't be disappointed.
45. Assassins-for-hire groups tend to be quite popular. At least once you'll end up busting one of these murder rings by hiring yourself out as a target.
46. If you see a convertible, it is almost always owned by a woman. If it's red, then it's definitely owned by a woman.
47. Killing people really isn't that necessary. Knocking them unconscious is so much more humane; all you have to do is punch them across the jaw or whack them over the head.
48. In a tight spot if you need to get special access, just knock out of the many little henchmen types running around the villain's lair and steal their clothes. This is a time-tested strategy that is guaranteed to work until you finally get into the place that you were trying to access in the first place.
49. You'll be placed in front of a firing squad once during your career. Just at the last moment even your sketchier and less-reliable allies will come in to save the day. Aren't you just lucky.
50. Girlfights tend to be really intense. Don't underestimate them.
51. No agent ever dies; they merely find new ways to go into hiding.
52. If someone asks you to carry a book for him, there's guaranteed to be a microdot hidden somewhere inside.
53. All agents must be trained in the medical sciences to give CPR, inject the right drugs, remove bullets from bodies, and stop bleeding from bullet wounds.
54. All agents will be tied up to something at least once during a mission. The opposition can be a little kinky sometimes.
55. Abandoned houses are to be viewed with the utmost suspicion.
56. In a pinch, air ducts and haystacks make good hiding places. However, if there's a massacre going on, kitchen cabinets are optimal.
57. You will be pursuited at least twice by the opposition on motorbikes shooting at your car or at you directly.
58. Anyone who doesn't work in your department who invites you over to dinner at his/her place is out to kill you. Drinks, alcoholic or tea and/or coffee, are often much safer. If a woman offers to bake you some sort of dessert, you can definitely trust her.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-03-23 12:02 pm (UTC)Well of course, after all you can blend in just about anywhere in a tuxedo, can't you?
(no subject)
Date: 2005-03-23 05:03 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-03-24 11:24 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-03-24 05:13 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-03-23 12:33 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-03-23 05:10 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-03-24 01:47 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-03-23 02:41 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-03-24 07:00 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-03-24 05:22 am (UTC)-me
(no subject)
Date: 2005-03-24 06:55 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-03-25 01:41 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-03-26 05:13 am (UTC)